A day in Kim Jong-un ‘s life

7.00 – A Kim Jong-un’s personal assistant turns him from one side to the other to not numb his hand. Being a tinker, he remains stuck with his hand under the dictator and has to cut it to be not there when Kim Jong wakes up.


He cuts his hand slowly without a noise with a saw that he always takes with him to clean the president’s teeth. He leaves a pile of blood on the bed, but that’s the deal…

After a few hours Kim Jong-un wakes up an finds the hand in bed and thinks it’s his numb hand. Being dizzy, he orders that his personal assistat, who had to turn him from one side to the other, to be executed.

12.00 – Kim Jong-un has lunch, as he calls the eighth meal of the day. He eats ocean fish marinated in tears of a child grown in a punishment camp. More human right activits tell Kim Jong-un that it’s a cruel the fishing of ocean fish.

13.00 – Kim Jong-un is doing a new nuclear test. Anderson Cooper is curious to know if he can solve the test and is interested in the Internet solving scale.

14.00 – Secret Political Police catch a guy who says jokes about fat people. The dictator asks the guy to publicly reject his jokes and turn them into jokes about thin people which must be distributed in schools as propaganda material.

14.20 – Kim Jong-un denies again that he is a fat man. It’s a thing about his bone structure. An admiral who smiles at his explanation is condemned to death.

17.00 – As it was established earlier, a general enters Kim’s room with a nuclear bomb in a trolley. After staying alone in the room, Kim Jong-un unzipped the bomb cap and pulled out the steak he had ordered.

18.30 – Kim Jong-un explains to some of his close friends that he can’t be fat because he hasn’t eaten anything since 12 o’clock and he doesn’t intend to eat anything tonight. It’s definitely a thing about his bone structure.

SOURCE: Catavencii – adapted


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