Angela Merkel, the leader of the free world at the seaside

The lifeguard John’s diary in Miami Beach (Angela Merkel’s youth idyll)

Dear Angela, I learned from CNN that you are fine and you have won the fourth Chancellery mandate. Bravo ! I don’t know what that means and if the chancellor is higher than a governor, but it seems to me that you work too much. If you’d stayed with me in Miami Beach in that hot summer of ’82 when you showed up at my door in all your splendor of young German tourist, I guarantee you that you would not have had to work at least for a day in your life… or maybe just here at greengrocery.

Why did you need to lead the civilized world when we could love like two crazy people, especially me, because for a while I did not take my medication and the voices came back.

I don’t know how much money you earn there, but I want to let you know that selling the anchovies and fooling tourists with sunbeds go well.

Know something ? If I think better it’s better that you left. I didn’t need a hysterical woman like you who would not work all day long and bother me on my money that I hardly won by selling anchovies and tricking clients on the beach. God speed ! You don’t deserve a man like me ! And if you want to know you look like an old woman, Macron’s wife looks much better than you.

Angela Merkel’s diary (former, current and future Chancellor)

Dear John, I remember you… How can I forget you ? Just you  wrote me every month for almost twenty years asking for 50 euros for cigarettes…

The 1982 holiday is the one I regret the most. I did not know I would suffer so much because of those unforgettable nights when you brought me cotton candy in the shed behind the house where you kept me hidden because of my meaer gait.

Here I am the leader of the free world, the longest and successfull politician in Europe, the most powerful woman in the world, and I still suffer because of those nights of sweet sins… I obviously mean that I ate cotton candy althogh I was at the diet.

I wonder how you do not ask me for 50 euros for cigarettes now. You quit smoking or what’s going on with you ? You could have asked me for money for a drink. Or has it discouraged you from the fact that I have never sent you anything ?

John, I’m sorry I won the election. I know that so it will be hard for you to forget me… as you have forgotten Hillary Clinton with whom I know that you also had a relationship in your youth. I know of your record as an Obama’s voter that you like the Democrats.

SOURCE: Catavencii  – adapted